It’s widely believed that it’s inevitable for you and your partner to eventually lose your spark.
While it can be true for some, the saying that it’s “inevitable” is a myth.
This unwanted feeling is avoidable if you take the correct steps to direct you and your partner’s relationship from losing its spark. It takes communication, emotional vulnerability, and passion—but it is doable.
You and your partner will go through life changes as time goes on. You’re both growing as individuals, but it’s important to keep growing together instead of growing apart.
So, if you feel as though you and your partner have lost your spark, what are you to do?
Communication is key.
I know, I know, it’s a statement that you’ve heard a hundred times before — but there’s a reason for that: it’s because it’s true.
When you and your partner really take the time to talk and communicate to one another how you’re feeling, what’s on your mind, and what’s going on in your life, it makes your bond stronger. You feel connected with this person emotionally and that the two of you are a force.
While it’s important to have your individual hobbies and lives, it’s equally as important to have shared one together with your partner. By communicating with one another about emotional, fun, and happy topics in your life, you can light that flame again. Be honest, vulnerable, and real with your partner.
Mick and I have our ups and downs with communication for sure. We still fight, we still disrespect one another, and we still forget to always put the other first.
But it is rare. Although we are building a life together, we still appreciate the space to be an individual. We take separate vacations, and after our morning coffee, we don’t see one another until evening (even though we both work from “home”).
We giggle when we are with our friends who are also married. They FaceTime, voice message, and talk multiple times a day, and Mick and I literally send the text “got here safely” and “landed” to one another, and that’s it. There’s nothing wrong with that close communication, but he and I have never, ever done that. It’s a good marriage…far from perfect but so good.
It’s probably true that you can envision what you want your life to look like with your partner.
You want healthy communication and discussions, to be able to make important decisions together, to talk about your future and plan for it — you can make all of this happen with effort.
It doesn’t take much. With a partner that’s willing and promised to live a life growing with you, by opening up to them when you feel yourselves hitting a bump in the road, let them know what you want, and encourage them to tell you the same.
By opening up this topic of discussion, you’re allowing yourself to be heard, but also making your partner feel important and loved, like they are, by asking them what their goals and future hopes are for your shared relationship. Knowing what you both want and taking the necessary steps and having those conversations can help reignite the spark you had previously felt dimming.
This is an important one. With both of your busy schedules filling up your everyday lives, and other factors such as kids, jobs, friends, and social life — it can be easy to get lost in the mix of it all and not prioritize your one-on-one relationship with your partner.
Take the time to spend precious moments together. Plan ahead a date night or a weekend getaway, just the two of you, to a place you’ve never been. Explore together, spend time with one another, and really have an enjoyable time basking in each other’s company. You’ll be creating memories and reminiscing on old ones and you’ll be reminded of the beginning of your relationship and how magical and beautiful it felt.
Spend time together, communicate effectively and appropriately, and surprise your partner — by taking the necessary steps to make your partner feel loved and appreciated you are showing them what you want from them and how you want to make them feel.
Your relationship is bound to go through ups and downs, but you both love each other and that’s the most important thing to remember.
Prioritize your relationship and make yourselves feel like it’s the honeymoon stage all over again — and it’s possible, trust me. Don’t buy into the idea that your relationship is destined to lose its spark. You and your partner are both in control here. Take the reigns, and make sure that spark is ignited forever.
Mick and I kid that if either of us were to end the marriage, or heaven forbid, one of us dies, we would not remarry. It would be tough to replace one another, and we are too set in our ways to try.
Just like that education, physique, and garden…it takes time and consistent work and care!
Your perfect match is not out there, but when you find that one, that hits pretty damn close…do as the song says: “Hold on loosely, but don’t let go!”
Love, The McAllisters
If you'd like to chat about maintaining and stepping up your health and energy levels, CLICK HERE to learn more about Intermittent Fasting and The M.A.D.E. Diet.
For more information about what I do, or if you are interested in coaching, or joining my team, CLICK HERE.